Denial in Narcissism
Denial is a defense mechanism where a person refuses to acknowledge a situation or problem, even when obvious to others. It's a way we all protect ourselves from uncomfortable feelings and avoid responsibility.
While we all experience denial occasionally, it's a deeply ingrained part of narcissistic defenses. Narcissists use denial to protect their inflated self-image and avoid taking responsibility. Remember, denial is often unconscious; they might not be intentionally lying, but rather confabulating (creating false memories).
In a Situation with Denial
Information Is Ignored: The person blocks out information that confirms the problem (and their role in it), focusing only on information supporting their self-perception as "the good one."
Behavior Is Rationalized: They make excuses for their harmful behavior, consistently blaming you or others.
Consequences Are Minimized: They downplay the problem's impact, refusing to acknowledge its severity.
Handling Denial
Denial prevents people from seeking help, often worsening the situation. Breaking through a narcissist's denial can be nearly impossible. Patience, empathy, and a non-judgmental approach are unlikely to produce lasting change. The denial often resumes in subsequent conversations.
Be Aware
Directly confronting a narcissist about their denial can trigger anger, the silent treatment, or gaslighting. Focusing on the facts and the consequences for you can be more effective. Avoid direct accusations. Gather documentation if the situation might escalate.
Valuable resources: Dr. Ramani Durvasula and Professor Dr. Sam Vaknin.
