Podcast E2: Keypoints: Women’s Longing for Connection
This podcast discusses the deep-seated longing women often feel for a profound connection with their partners. This yearning can be so intense that it rarely feels fully satisfied. Women may attempt to fulfill this longing by trying to "fix" their partners through self-help books, courses, or even therapy. However, this approach often backfires, leading to defensiveness in men, damaging the relationship, and turning the man into a "project," ultimately leaving the woman unsatisfied.
About this AI Deep Dive: This episode features an AI-generated dialogue based 100% on the original teachings of Mette & Sune Sloth. It transforms our core concepts into an engaging conversation for deeper understanding.
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Mette explains how this longing can impact a woman's ability to set boundaries, highlighting the biological and cultural factors at play. Biologically, women are predisposed to seek connection and avoid conflict, particularly in stressful situations, due to the release of oxytocin. Culturally, women are often raised to be accommodating and nurturing, making it difficult to say no. Mette emphasizes the importance of women learning to differentiate between their own emotions and their partner's, and practicing setting boundaries, even when it feels uncomfortable. She concludes that a woman's yearning for connection is genuine and vital, but it must be managed in a healthy, balanced way to cultivate fulfilling relationships.
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Hey everybody, welcome to the deep dive. So today we're going to be um we're gonna be diving into a podcast called the Magdalene Effect.
Yeah. So just to be totally transparent right up front, we're both AI hosts and we've been asked by Mette Miriam Sloth and Sune Sloth, the creators of the Magdalene Effect, to kind of take a deep dive with you into their work.
I love it.
Their podcast is actually originally in Danish, but with the help of AI translation, we're able to bring it to a much wider audience.
Absolutely. And the Magaline effect really dives into what they call this idea of women's longing especially within the context of intimate relationships. Yeah. Can you tell us a little bit more about what exactly that means?
Yeah. So, so they describe this longing not as you know just like a simple desire for companionship or even physical intimacy but something much deeper. It's like this yearning for a really profound connection. And it's it's something that can be hard to find, especially in long-term relationships,
right? So, it's not just like wanting someone to watch Netflix with. Exactly.
It's it's something more
Exactly. Yeah. It's much more profound. And what's really interesting is they talk about
the challenges and frustrations that arise when that longing isn't met
and how sometimes the ways that women try to bridge that gap can actually backfire.
Yeah, I can see how that could happen for sure.
Yeah.
What What kinds of things do they do that that end up pushing their partners away?
Well, think about it. Have you ever seen like a woman, you know, gifting her partner a self-help book? Oh yeah.
Or practically pushing him into therapy hoping to fix the situation.
Oh, I've seen that so many times.
Yeah.
It doesn't seem to ever go well,
right? It almost never does. Yeah.
Because it it comes across as criticism or like lack of acceptance, you know,
and it puts this pressure on the man to change, but then on the flip side of that, he might overconform to meet his partner's expectations and then he loses himself in the process.
Oh. So he swings, you know, too far in the other direction.
Yeah. Exactly. And then ironically, the woman might actually lose interest. especially on a romantic level, you know?
Right. Because who wants to be with somebody who's not themselves, you know?
Exactly. Right. Like who wants to be with a shell of a person, right?
So, it's this really interesting dynamic.
Yeah. So, this longing
if it's not addressed in a healthy way. Yeah.
Can actually create this push and pull
that really drives a wedge between the couple.
Totally. And that's why Metans emphasized that meeting this longing is a shared responsibility. It's not just on the man to figure it out.
So, what does that look like? What does that shared responsibility look like? How does each person contribute?
Well, for the woman, you know, it starts with understanding her own longing. Yeah.
How it shows up and what steps she can take to fulfill some of those needs within herself.
Okay.
Like recognizing that no one person can be absolutely everything to another person,
right? That's just not realistic to put that kind of pressure on somebody.
No, it's not. And then for the man, you know, it's about being open to his partner's needs.
Okay.
And willing to engage in creating that deeper connection which might require him to step outside of his comfort zone a little bit.
Sure. Yeah. And it sounds like it takes courage and vulnerability on both sides.
Absolutely.
Now, they also talk about a connection between unmet longing and the struggle with setting boundaries.
Yes.
Can you expand on that a little bit?
What they suggest is that there are actually biological and evolutionary reasons why some women have a harder time setting really firm boundaries. Interesting.
Like for example, you know, oxytocin, which is often called the love hormone. It's released during times of stress for women, and that can promote a tendency toward connection and deescalation rather than confrontation.
So instead of saying, "Hey, this is my boundary," it's almost like an instinct to smooth things over and keep the peace.
Exactly.
Interesting.
Yeah. And even from an evolutionary standpoint, you know, it's like women are wired to maintain harmony within the community
and then you layer on top of that, you know, all the cultural pressure. that reinforce women as caregivers and peacemakers. And it's no surprise that a lot of women struggle to say no and protect their own needs.
Yeah. You're almost conditioned to put everybody else first. And then you wonder why you feel drained and resentful all the time.
Totally. And and Metate and Soon are very clear that failing to set boundaries
can actually erode the foundation of a relationship.
Yeah.
It leads to feelings of resentment being taken advantage of and ultimately it just finishes that connection that you're longing for.
Yeah. So, even though setting those boundaries can feel scary and risky, it's crucial for a healthy relationship in the long run.
Yeah. It's like ripping off a band-aid. You know,
it might sting at first, but it allows for the healing to begin,
right? And they also talk about the need to develop discernment. Yeah.
When it comes to our needs and expectations in relationships.
Yes.
So, what exactly should we be trying to discern here?
Well, they challenge listeners to ask themselves some tough questions.
Okay.
Like, are these genuine ly unmet needs in the relationship or are they personal triggers and issues that need individual attention?
Are we projecting our own needs onto our partner expecting them to fill a void that we need to address within ourselves?
Yeah. It's so easy for those lines to get blurred
totally.
Especially when you're talking about deep emotional needs.
Absolutely. And and they acknowledge that this process of discernment can be really difficult.
Sure.
And it might even lead to the realization that the current relationship just can't can't meet those needs,
right? Which can be heartbreaking but also really liberating at the same time.
Absolutely. Because ultimately this whole journey of learning to discern and set boundaries, it leads to self-discovery and empowerment. It can result in a deeper understanding of yourself, stronger relationships, and a greater sense of fulfillment overall.
I love that because it's like giving yourself permission to prioritize your own well-being.
Yeah.
And acknowledging that sometimes walking away from a rel relationship that's not serving you.
Yes.
Is the most loving thing you can do.
Absolutely.
For both yourself and your partner.
For both of you.
Yeah.
And and you know, it's interesting because they also talk about how sometimes women's attempts to get their longing met
Yeah.
can actually create more distance in the relationship.
Interesting.
It's like they're trying so hard to pull their partner closer that they end up pushing him away.
So that's where that discernment piece comes in. Exactly.
Being able to recognize when you're putting realistic expectations on your partner
or trying to get them to meet needs that you need to address on your own.
Absolutely
right. Because no one person can be our everything,
right?
No matter how much we might long for that.
Yeah. And it's recognizing that we have a responsibility to ourselves to cultivate our own sense of wholeness and fulfillment.
And when you do that, you bring so much more to the relationship. You're not coming from a place of neediness or desperation, but from a place of strength and self-awareness.
And that allows for a much more balanced and healthy dynic. dynamic where both partners can feel free to be themselves and express their needs without fear of judgment or rejection. And that's what ultimately creates that deep lasting connection. Yes.
That we all crave.
It's not about finding the perfect partner. It's about creating the conditions for a fulfilling relationship to thrive.
I love that.
Yeah.
So, what stood out to you so far from the Magalin effect? I'm finding their insights to be incredibly thoughtprovoking.
Yeah, me too. I think what I find most compelling is their emphasis on personal responsibility.
You know, but both men and women have a part to play in creating a fulfilling relationship,
right?
It's not about blaming each other. Yeah.
It's about understanding our own needs, setting healthy boundaries, and recognizing that sometimes the most loving thing we can do is let go of what's no longer serving us.
I think that's such a powerful point. You know, it's like it really flips the script on how we typically approach relationships.
Yeah.
Instead of seeking external validation, they encourage us to look inward.
Yes.
And find that sense of wholeness within ourselves.
And from that place of wholeness, we can then create connections that are truly authentic and fulfilling.
This is such a rich conversation and we've only just scratched the surface.
We have
we're going to dive a little bit deeper into the Magdalene effect after a quick break. Welcome back to the deep dive.
Hey,
we are continuing our exploration of the Magdalene effect and this idea of women's longing for connection in relationships.
You know, one of the things that really struck me from Mete and Soon's work is how they emphasize that this journey toward fulfilling relationships isn't about blaming men or making women feel like victims. It's about empowering both partners
to understand themselves better and create relationships that are genuinely satisfying.
It's about taking responsibility both individually and together.
Exactly. And they offer some really practical advice, too.
Okay.
For example, they talk about how crucial it is for women to learn to recognize their own triggers.
Okay. And separate genuine relationship issues from things stemming from, you know, past experiences or unresolved issues.
So, it's about doing that inner work. Yes.
To really understand where your reactions are coming from. Yeah.
So, you can respond more consciously.
Yeah. Exactly.
Instead of just reacting based on old wounds.
Precisely. It's about taking responsibility for our own emotional baggage. Yeah.
And not expecting our partner to fix us or fill those voids within ourselves.
That would be a really heavy burden to put on anyone. Absolutely. And what's beautiful is that MET and soon present this process of self-discovery. Yeah.
As this incredible opportunity for growth and transformation.
I love that.
Yeah. It's about becoming more whole and complete as individuals so we can bring our best selves to our relationships.
It's like that saying, you can't pour from an empty cup.
Yes. Exactly.
You need to take care of your own well-being first.
Right. They emphasize that self-care is so important for women,
especially those who naturally fall into that caregiver role. It's about finding that balance between giving to others and giving to yourself
because if you're constantly focused on everyone else's needs, you're bound to burn out eventually.
Exactly. It's about recognizing that taking care of your own needs isn't selfish. It's essential. Yeah.
When you feel fulfilled and nourished as an individual,
you have so much more to offer in your relationships.
And that circles back to that idea of shared responsibility, right?
It's not about one person constantly giving while the other takes. It's about both partners showing up as their best selves. Yeah. Supporting each other's growth
and creating a dynamic where everyone feels seen, heard, and valued.
And that brings us to communication.
Okay.
Mete and Sunni talk about creating a safe space
where both partners feel comfortable expressing their needs and desires without fear of judgment or rejection.
Creating that kind of safety and vulnerability isn't always easy, is it?
It's not. But they emphasize it's an ongoing process, a continuous dance of learning to commun communicate more effectively, to listen with empathy, and to be willing to adjust and adapt as the relationship evolves.
It's about letting go of the idea that there's one right way to be in a relationship and embracing the messiness and beauty of two unique individuals coming together and figuring it out as they go.
That's a really beautiful way to put it. And what makes the Magdalene effect so relatable is that Mate and Suna aren't offering some cookie cutter solution.
They acknowledge the complexities and nuances of human connection.
Yeah.
And encourage us to embrace the journey even when it gets tough.
I think what resonates with me the most is this idea that relationships aren't meant to be stagnant or static, right?
They're dynamic, ever evolving entities that require ongoing effort, communication,
and a willingness to embrace the unknown
and to find joy in that process of discovery. Yes.
Both individually and as a couple.
Now, before we wrap up, I wanted to touch on something else. Mate, soon brought up.
Okay.
The potential for growth and change that comes from understanding these dynamics of longing and boundaries.
Yes. They're very optimistic about the possibility for transformation both within ourselves and in our relationships.
Yeah.
They believe that by doing this inner work and learning to communicate more effectively, we can create relationships that are truly fulfilling.
It's not about settling for mediocrity or resigning ourselves to a life of unmet needs. No,
it's about taking owner ship of our happiness and believing that we deserve to experience deep meaningful connection
and that it's possible to achieve. Sometimes that might involve walking away from a relationship that's no longer serving us, which can be incredibly painful, but ultimately freeing.
It's about recognizing your worth and knowing that we deserve to be in relationships that nourish us and support our growth.
Absolutely. And I think that's a really powerful message to leave our listeners with today.
So, as we approach the end of our deep dive into the Magdalene effect, What are some of the key takeaways you hope our listeners will remember?
I hope they walk away feeling empowered to examine their own needs and desires in relationships.
Okay.
It's about understanding that longing for connection is a natural human experience and that there are healthy ways to address it both within ourselves and with our partners.
It's about taking responsibility for our own happiness and well-being.
Yes.
And recognizing that we have the power to create the kind of love and connection we desire.
It's about embracing the journey. both the joys and the challenges and knowing that growth and transformation are always possible both individually and as a couple.
Beautifully said and a huge thank you to Mete Miriam Sloth and Soon Sloth for creating such a thought-provoking and insightful podcast.
Absolutely.
We encourage everyone to check it out even if you don't speak Danish. The core ideas are universal and incredibly valuable.
Totally. And remember, the most important question to ask yourself is what is your deepest longing in relationships and how are you taking responsibility for getting those needs met both within yourself and with your partner.
That's something to really ponder, isn't it?
Yeah.
Well, on that note, we'll leave you with your deep thoughts. Thanks for joining us on the deep dive. Yeah. That's such a powerful question for us all to consider, isn't it?
Yeah.
So, as we wrap up our deep dives into the Magdalene effect, I'm curious, you know, what what resonated most with you about their approach to relationships?
You know, what really struck me was how they weave together the personal and the relational.
You know, It's not just about understanding ourselves as individuals, but how our individual journeys impact our relationships and vice versa. And they really don't shy away from the complexity of it all.
And for me, the the concept of discernment really stood out.
Yes.
You know, it's so easy to get caught up in your emotions and project your unmet needs onto your partner.
Oh, yeah.
Learning to pause and reflect and discern where those needs are truly coming from feels so crucial for a healthy relationship.
It's like they're giving us this framework for taking taking a step back and saying, "Okay, wait. Am I expecting my partner to fulfill a need that I haven't even begun to address within myself
and that level of self-awareness can be truly transformative?"
Absolutely. And you know that ties into the idea of boundaries, too.
Yes.
They emphasize how setting boundaries while challenging, right, can ultimately lead to deeper self-respect and stronger relationships.
Yes.
It's about honoring our own needs and creating a space for authentic connection.
It's about moving away from that old paradigm of self sacrifice, you know, and recognizing that taking care of ourselves is not selfish. It's essential for a healthy relationship. And when both partners feel empowered to be their true selves.
Yeah.
That's when the magic really happens.
I love that. And that reminds me of something else they talked about. The potential for, you know, these realizations to lead to difficult but necessary decisions. Sometimes recognizing our needs and setting boundaries might mean realizing that the current relationship just isn't the right fit anymore. It's true. And and while their work is ultimately about building stronger relationships, they also acknowledge that sometimes the most loving choice Yeah.
is to let go.
It takes a lot of courage to walk away from something that's no longer serving you, even if it's painful.
It does. But staying in a situation that's draining you or preventing you from growing,
it doesn't benefit anyone. No,
it's about recognizing your worth and creating space for something new and fulfilling to emerge.
It's like tending a garden, you know.
Yeah,
sometimes you have to prune back the dead branches to allow for new growth.
What a beautiful analogy.
So, I think we've covered a lot of ground today. The Magdalene effect certainly offers a fresh perspective on relationships.
It does.
It challenges us to really dig deeper, embrace our own needs, and create a more fulfilling love life.
It's a reminder that relationships are a journey, not a destination.
Yes,
there's always room for growth, evolution, and deepening connection.
And as we wrap things up, I want to encourage our listeners to continue exploring these ideas.
Me too.
And the longer talk where she and soon go into even more depth about the Magdalene effect.
Fantastic resources for sure.
We hope this deep dive has sparked some new insights and maybe even inspired you to have some meaningful conversations with your partner about your own longings and boundaries.
Those are important conversations to have.
Thanks for joining us on this exploration of the Magdalene Effect. We'll see you next time on The Deep Dive.
